7.20.25
How nice it is to sit here in the early morning, feeling the very welcome cool breeze sweep through the house, watching the sky lighten to a pale blue dotted with small fluffy pink tinged clouds. What peace there is in just taking a few minutes to sit and sip my tea and contemplate the day ahead. There seems so much to do and time, which has a way of galloping by one minute and plodding slow as a snail the other, is in the galloping mode right now. I should be outside in the garden doing a spot of weeding before turning the water on the veggies and lawns. I could also be getting that special order of lotion made, ready to ship off to Wyoming on Monday. Yet here I sit instead, just sipping my tea and enjoying the peace and quiet of the morning.
As time slips away and brings me closer to my heart ablation procedure, I have both an urgency to get things done right now as well as a sense of “it’s okay to wait and do that tomorrow”. Quite a conundrum! Part of me wants everything well organized, cleaned and tidied, ducks all in a row, veggie garden neat as a pin while the other part of me feels exhausted just thinking about it! For you see, it seems a mere few weeks ago I was bemoaning the fact my electrical heart study and possible ablation was scheduled for the end of July, months away at that time. As June waned and July began, I was thinking, “Goodness me! Still a month away?” Now here we are with less than a fortnight to go, 10 days in fact and I do not feel ready. Oh, I am ready to get the thing done, just not feeling fully prepared if that makes sense.
The other day as we made a dash trip to Central Oregon for animal feed and groceries, I told Darrell how glad I was in a way we did not have pigs in the butcher pen again this year. Despite missing them terribly, and the delicious pork that would fill our freezer, it is a weight off my mind that a butchering deadline would loom, and I would not be fully up to the task. I have high hopes that this heart procedure will fix me up and put me back to my normal self, quick as a wink, but also must be prepared if reality does not match my expectations.
The one thing life has reinforced to me of late is to accept what Fate delivers to you. As someone who has always believed in Fate, believed things happen for a reason even if that reason is hard to fathom at times, I must admit my acceptance of this has been challenged severely at times! As a person who never likes to dawdle along, rather likes to walk purposefully from Point A to Point B, I find myself now a dawdler. Walking from the house to the barn is an effort, for as my heart rate increases my blood pressure drops precipitously in return making me weak as a kitten. Yet continue to walk I do, refusing to drive the truck or four-wheeler as to me that would be a sign of giving in. Hmm, maybe my stubborn trait is showing!
Many of my friends and readers out there have undergone ablation procedures and told me how great they feel afterwards. Most have had it performed to correct atrial fibrillation. Of course, my arrythmia has to be the odd man out, the different one that can be more challenging to fix as opposed to a-fib. Yet I have high hopes a fix will occur. Maybe I will not be just like I was before, but I will be better than I am right now, hopefully, and I will gratefully accept that.
You know, in some ways this reminds me of teaching the airway portion of EMT classes. Airway management is a huge and very important skill for EMT’s to learn and sometimes a very challenging one. As part of the class, to both hone the skill and encourage empathy for the patient who is conscious and being “bagged” – as in a patient is breathing insufficiently so their breathing requires assistance with a mechanical device, a Bag Valve Mask or BVM – I have my EMT students “bag” each other. Having a mask placed over one’s nose and mouth then having someone other than oneself perform the inhalation of air, can be a very scary thing. Especially if the synchronization of one’s attempts to inhale on one’s own are not quite in tune with the EMT trying to assist you with your breathing! Imagine air being forced into your lungs when your lungs would rather be exhaling air out! So, this way the EMT student learns the perfect timing of delivering a breath to a patient while also experiencing what it is like when said breath of air is mistimed! So, you see, my heart issue and subsequent drastic drop in energy, has given me even greater empathy for patients on our ambulance suffering from similar challenges.
As I sit here finishing up my tea, contemplating the day’s work ahead, I decide I will not fret. What gets done gets done and what does not, does not. That’s okay. Besides, in this hot weather, those weeds are keeping the ground cool and holding in the moisture for the veggies growing beside them. Time to pop the kettle back on for my second cuppa, after all, tomorrow is another day.
